2. Alessandro Del Piero: Oh how we desperately want to see Del Piero given one last whirl in the Premier League. The obvious drawbacks include him being older than most Sequoias and only good for about 2o or so bit-part appearances, but the pros include him being Ale-bloody-ssandro Del Pi-sodding-ero.
Likely suitors: Arsenal have been mentioned in passing, but the exorbitant £0 fee may prove a stumbling block. Maybe ‘Arry’s chairman can do a deal?
3. Michael Owen: Unwilling to besmirch his CV by mixing with the smelly, typhoid-riddled proles in mid-table, it’s difficult to envisage where Owen is going to wash up next – what him suffering from rather prohibitive delusions of grandeur and all. It all comes down to that age-old paradox again: He definitely is still worth a gamble BUT that gamble is almost certain to backfire miserably. What’s a gal to do?
Likely suitors: Damned if we know. He’ll be holding out for someone like Tottenham but, let’s face it, he hasn’t got a prayer. The world’s moved on, it isn’t 2002 any more. How about a move back to Newcastle? They bloody love him up at St James’.
5. Didier Drogba: Having left Chelsea in just about the most heroic of circumstances, 34-year old Drogba seems almost certain to now make that lucrative last move to China or the UAE to play out his days in less demanding climes – though there is a sneaking possibility that he may be tempted by one more year in mainstream football, though he probably won’t be staying in the Premier League out of courtesy. He’s certainly still got the chops for it (on a pared-down basis), even if the knees are beginning to creak like a rusty Penny Farthing.
Likely suitors: Barcelona and Real Madrid are now both rumoured to be giving it the once over, but £450,000-a-week in Qatari fun money may prove too tempting to turn down.
6. Gennaro Gattuso: One of the many veterans (five players with a combined age of 179!) cast adrift by Milan at the end of the Serie A season, there are tentative whispers on the wind that a couple of Premier League clubs are drafting up one-year deals for Rino. Intriguing. In his heyday, Gattuso routinely gave opponent’s migraines with his subtle blend of niggling gobshitery. Worth a punt on a free? Yeah, perhaps – though we choose to refrain from being any more committal than that.
Likely suitors: Lazio are apparently favourites, though QPR are said to be sniffing around. However, surely a reunion with old chum Joe Jordan at Tottenham would be the more entertaining option?
10. Michael Essien: Arguably the most surprising name on Chelsea’s list of summer flotsam (though it’s not quite 100% confirmed as of yet), these days Essien is liable to break at any moment and is a shadow of the domineering midfielder he once was. His legs have pretty much gone, which is a bit of a bind for a former tyrannical all-action whirligig – but surely there’ll be plenty of clubs lined up to offer him future employment.
Likely suitors: Dare we venture to suggest Manchester United? Yes, we dare.
Notable mentions: Nicky Shorey, Jose Bosingwa, Florent Malouda, Paulo Ferreira, Abdoulaye Faye, Peter Lovenkrands, Gai Assulin, Owen Hargreaves, Maynor Figueroa, James McFadden, Emile Heskey (the joke being that Heskey was so upset at being released by Villa that he went on a shooting spree in Birmingham. No one was hurt.)
Col 
Graham 
chris 
Althuogh the Neymar video was worse. He (Neymar) deserved a Joey Barton reaction to his asshatery.
Don’t you ruin our fun with context.